October Goals

Well I am no longer troubled by the rigours of pursuing a university degree so should be able to devote a decent amount of time to the tables this month. I hope to play at least 60k hands mainly on Party, but also testing the waters in the UB and FT games. I shall be concentrating on adopting good game selection and minimising my errors whilst exploiting the weakness of other players. I shall strive to continue good bankroll management, although this discipline has improved greatly recently. I haven't set a target win rate but I guess it would be nice to surpass 5PTBB/100.

in the croft

Hi y’all, I’m making this blog from the comfort of my adopted home claycroft. After the initial disappointment of not having Grundy living next door I’m getting used to it. I have a 24” monitor and Dave’s Xbox360 at the moment running at 1080 on the screen (although 1080i not 1080p coz using a composite cable not HDMI at the mo). So I’m staying amused on the long winter nights.

I started my lectures last Sunday and have had 10-1 and 2-5 every day with theory in the morning and examples classes in the afternoon. I have been missing the theory ones on the last day or two in favour of a lie in and then getting the question answering technique. Pretty reasonable considering we have an exam on Wednesday and we only have to answer questions.

Other than working I’ve been seeing Will, Jack, and Dave for a session at the Isle and some basketball. Also I have been taught big 2 which is a card game I suck at and don’t rate that much but its better than poker lol.

The isle was the £30 double chance and I basically folded my way down to 5BB for about 2 hours making a steal or two. Then CO raised, I shove AK (woooooo), BB calls (QT), CO has KK. gg. After, I sat about with Will for a while as Jack and Dave played the cash games.

The card room manager was very keen to get a cash game going so we sorted out a 1/1 game with around 6 players. Not without waiting 30 mins for the Chinese October moon celebrations to complete (groan). Only player in the game who had a clue was Will, and everyone else was weak/tight or weak/loose, so I played about 50/45 for a couple of orbits and fortunately found myself on £110 (sat with 50). Then I have AT, make it 5 pre, 2 callers, flop A62 I bet 10, shorty moves in for 11 total with A6, whatever. Dealer obv berates me because “he obviously has 2 pair there”.

Couple of hands later I try and value bet KJ on K high board on the river as he’s played it pretty weak on a non-drawy board. He turns up with AK. Played very few hands vs Will (he was setmining me a few times) then he raised up a hand in mp. Mental woman calls, I flat with JJ because I think a lot of the time I’m playing for a set and if I reraise Will probs shoves all better hands and folds worse so thought I’d try and play a multiway pot. Then the guy in position on me shoves for like £25 folds back to me, I say “that’s pretty gay” and fold face up. He showed QQ, ty. The mental oriental woman then goes “why you pass jacks?!!?!?!?!” so I obv replied “’coz he had queens.”

Last pot of the night I played called someone AI on TTQ with 99, he looked like he had been shot but he had KJ and hit a Q, basically flipaments. Left the game and pottered about checking out the waitresses like a dirty perv.

In other news at Isle I made like £30 at roulette and got cockwatched by some cleaner woman so it was not uneventful.

Since the isle I have been playing madden and sitting around basically, getting over the back end of a flu so I’m looking forward to playing some football or gym or whatever next week.

Online poker has been going a bit rubbish for me at the mo, lost like 6 buyins recently but only played about 6k hands this month due to being on hols/moving networks/moving to campus etc etc (just being lazy). So in my bad mood at online pokarz I cashed out a bit of money to buy a ps3, but it looks like a xbox 360 is a better bet at the moment so I have a lot more money to spend on games etc. The games I will buy when I purchase are Madden 2008, Halo 3, Gears of War. I don’t even like fps games but I’ve never played a halo game so whatever, plus I bet it’ll look really perty. Here is pic of setup and this months graph.

Back in Devon

Spent most of yesterday trying to configure Party poker to work with Vista. Also have now managed to get all my software functioning properly and thanks to Jambon have a decent paHud set up. Spadeye has enabled me to gameselect really well and I am always aware that as soon as table conditions tighten up there are plenty of donks ripe to donate else where. God has kissed my eyes over the last 24 hrs- see PT screenshot- AA and KK are indestructable. Long may this continue. The day was not quite glitch free, however, as the sheep broke out and will need to be moved tomorrow.

Busy week!

The trip to the Isle on Tuesday was great fun. Before the tournament there were 9 of us (Brad, Jags, Rupert, Tommo, Jambon, Flash, JD, Myself and Lauren) and we went for a meal at Farraday's steak house above the main casino floor. Quoting Jambon "Possibly the best steak I've had in the UK". Now that's saying something! I will be going there more often in the future. As for the tournament, I'm on a table with Jambon and Brad and manage to chip up early by getting awesome cards but after the break, I slowly grind down to 10xbbs and eventually shove with 7-7 on the button, only for the small-blind to tank for ages and then say: "Well I guess I got to gamble sometime" and calls (big blind folds) and reluctantly flips over J-J?!?! He also told someone off for not checking down with him whilst there was an all-in. Zzz what a joke.

I went to the dealer's choice cash game (1-2 Pot-Limit blinds) and sat down with Flash for 300 a piece. Since most of the games chosen were Pot-Limit omaha, I felt the game would be well suited for me. However, 7-card stud is a popular choice and this hand came up:

Me: (Q-T)-Q
Villain: (x-x)-K

The player with a King showing pots to 7quid. Myself and Flash (showing a Four) call. Fourth street brings:

Me: (Q-T)-Q-2.
Villian: (x-x)-K-8

This time he bets 15quid, Flash folds and I decide to peel one more card. It is pretty clear he has a King in the hole, but he seems spewey enough to pay me off if I hit.

Me: (Q-T)-Q-2-Q (yes!)
Villain: (x-x)-K-8-8

I'm thinking about what to do when Villain puts in some chips out of turn! I go ahead and check, he duly bets 50quid. I raise full-pot which (actually set him in for around 175 on top). The pot is over 500 quid and we flip our cards:

Me: (Q-T)-Q-2-Q
Villain: (K-x)-K-8-8

I'm in fantastic shape, especially when I fill up on sixth street with a Ten. Someone says they have mucked a King so there is just one King in the deck that will lose me the pot. He hits, I cry. Villain eventually runs his stack to over 900quid before losing it in two pots. He lost 550 of it with the 2nd nut flush against the nut flush (in IRISH...sheesh). Then tilted the remaining 300-odd to me when I 4-bet pre with A-A-Q-Qds in a straddled pot (thanks Jags!) and he saw a flop with A-K-4-2ds (it wasn't even high-low!!). Flop of Q-x-x and he shoved flop. I quad up on turn to get a bit of justice for the earlier pot. Hello Mr 600quid pot.

After dropping off JD at the airport the next morning, I went back home to find Tommo, Flash and Jambon all tucked up under the same duvet in my living room (I actually had photographic evidence of this but my phone crashed grrrrrr). Went for a late lunch with Jambon's friend Lindsay on campus then set off on our trip to London. Having had 4 hours sleep the journey would have been disaster had it not been for the "I'm going to a desert island..." game...(Avacado, banana boat, chimpanzee...). As we drove through the streets of Newham (highest crime-rate borough in London), I could see Tommo in the back seat looking slightly worried and trying not to make eye contact with the kids in hoodies on the streets.

We dropped off my sister at the flat and we were on our way to Flash's when I mentioned that we have just driven past Gutshot. Merely a passing comment, Flash notices it's 7:50pm and says that the evening tournys start at 8pm. We make a quick U-turn and park right outside Gutshot just in time for the first hand of a 75quid freezeout. With no players of any note on my table (except for Ade who was very tight), I quickly mixed things up by opening a lot of pots. This kid who had good chip-shuffling skills clearly fancied himself as a player and I'm pretty sure he suffered from FPS (fancy-play syndrome) and was just waiting for him to explode.

With blinds at 75-150, I opened up with A-J in mid position to 400, Button flat calls (tendency to call pre very weak) and FPS kid can-t resist and shoves for 2.5k total. I insta-call (button folds) and he flips over 6-4. Thank-you. I hit a couple of coolers (T-T vs Q-Q, etc) and have to play short-stack for sometime. I've made sure that I constantly know how many bb's I have and won a few showdowns to go to final above average. Tommo makes final too so we trade 10%. Early on Tommo finds A-Q and loses a big race vs T-T and drops to 3xbb. Next hand Tommo is all-in and wakes up with A-A (vs K-K) and he's back in the game!

Then come 3 pots in which myself and Tommo get involved in.

#1: Blinds 800-1600. I open with 6-6 in mid-position to 4k. Folds round to Tommo in small blind who shoves for 11k total. I had 35k before the hand so it's an easy call. He shows 9-9 and doubles up.

#2: Blinds 800-1600. I open with 7-7 in mid-position to 4k. Folds round to Tommo in small blind who shoves for 12k total. However, dealer tells me it's 22k to call and I insta-muck, only to be told shortly after that the dealer made a miscalculation. Yikes! Should be an insta-call :( Nevermind, I should have double-checked myself.

#3: Blinds 1k-2k. Tommo opens with J-J in mid-position to 5k. I wake up in small blind with A-K and we are off to the races. Tommo loses yet another race and is soon knocked out.

I open up a few pots to keep afloat and end up 3-handed with the chiplead. Now I negotiate 700 to myself and 600 to the other two whislt we play for the rest. I'm pretty confident since I have good reads on the other players. We end up heads-up and the other guy has the chip lead after knocked out 3rd place and I'm staying afloat for a while, having to push my button quite a lot. I build back up to 80k (to his 100k with blinds 4k/8k) and shove button with Q-8. Now I've been shoving the button a LOT for the past 25mins of heads up and he finally calls with J-T?!?!?!?!?! Ten on the flop and I'm second place. Nevermind, I'm pretty happy that I played heads-up for the prize since 700quid is still a really nice pay day. I plan to go back for the Saturday night 100 freezeout with the others. I love the 7k starting stack so hopefully I can get another deep run.

Just can't stay away...

So after dropping Dave's sister of in East London we witnessed crime, poverty, filth and depravity. Of course such an environment could not help but remind us all of the Gutshot club..So before we knew it we were heading out of the frying pan and into the fire, we were obviously in a state of denial "well it can't be as bad as last time", "at least they have recently added neon blue lights to the toilets" to prevent the delears shooting up in the toilets. So filled with a surge of euphoria and peach flavoured water coursing through our veins we were slicing through the London traffic.

Upon arrival we discovered that we would be playing a £75 freeze out which attracted 51 hopeful Gutshoters.I overheard the tournament director remarking his surprise at the limited number of runners, football of somekind was blamed, however, I expect his concern was probably due to the reduction in potential tip money.

I got of to a solid start and progressed to final with Dave, we then played a massive pot with Dave's AK improving enough to slaughter my JJ. I came in 7th for £215 with Dave going on to finish 2nd for a none to shabby £700-(the dealers were not forgotten).

I've always been a pretty easy going kind of fellow able to tolerate the ineptitude of others..However, the mug of tea served to me at Gutshot was a bridge too far, apparently due to the clubs financial difficulties, new cost cutting measures have been implemented- this meant that the tea bag used to "brew" my tea was 3rd hand. Upon complaining I was told that i should be grateful,as the tea bag had previously graced the mugs of Gutshot supremo's Ade Bayo and Neil Channing. My powers of negotiation ensured that I managed to secure a new tea bag to add to the hot water and milk. I've always felt you can judge a great deal about a person/establishment by quality of the tea they make, and the 'cuppa' served to me was dreary, grey and tired.

Flash had been badgering me into getting a massage and so I finally obliged. Now, it's not saying much to say that this young lady was far more aggressive than any player I have ever encountered at Gutshot. I've heard of deep tissue massage but as her elbows powered into my shoulder-blades I was in a far more tricky spot than any Gutshoter had previously put me in. Should I ask the masseuse to ease it up a little or endure the punishment. Thankfully the elbow treatment did not last too long and the massage was quite relaxing.

Flash and I were then introduced to a variation of chinese poker by a young lady who also finalled the £75 freeze and who had a great poker name JayLuck. the game benuses me, and I was worried the game may involve forfeits of downing noodle soup or something horrific so left to shortstack a rather juicy 2-2 plo game. Went ok as Chennifer reliably informed me I got my money in as a 70% favourite, but alas to no avail. Went back upstairs to check on the "Big 2" action, which was just winding down. Flash had to beat a rather hasty retreatas he had got in rather deep having lost £5k and didn't have the cash on him. Talk of triad hitmen was mention, but Dave Lu stepped up to the plate and sd hr was good for the five large or double or quits. Dave then chalked up an impressive victory ensuring that we headed back to Balham with all our fingers and toes intact.

a surprise visit

It’s 8am on Monday morning in Newcastle, due still glistening on the windowsill in my room, drunks waddling home after a good Sunday lunch. I hit my phone alarm and leap out of bed. Rarely has getting up been so anticipated, but today, I was going to Leamington.

I got to the airport a little drowsy but raring to go nevertheless. I checked in and headed through security. The obligatory trip to WHSmith was fruitful as ever, today I got FourFourTwo (complete with a 100 greatest players feature – Kaka won), and T3Home – essential for the more discerning balla. Eventually I got the call and went to the gate to be greeted only by a plump airport worker, in hope of a conversation I asked with a grin whether I was alone on the flight. “NO, there’s 8 in total.” was my reply. Oh lord, 8 people, is this a biplane I thought to myself. When the tardy had arrived we got the bus to the plane and I boarded a prop plane for the first time in about 7 years. It was far noisier than I remember and obviously the take off and landing were not for the faint hearted.

At the exit was a bright eyed and bushy tailed Dave Lu, complete with leftover Frankie and Bennies sandwiches. He whisked me to Leamington and Lauren’s new flat. Not without stopping at homebase to buy some gravel, compost, and heather for some reason.

At Lauren’s I popped my head through Tommo’s (Sarah’s) door to say hi, unfortunately Tommo was dead to the world, and without glasses I might as well have been Ghandi. A few hours passed and Flash and Tommo emerged, Flash particularly surprised to see me there. That afternoon we did some gardening (I’ll leave the details in anticipation of Dave’s timelapse photography) and went out for a meal at Café Rouge as Bistrot Pierre was shut. My meal was very nice, I had a selection of charcuterie meats, a sausage baguette for main, then a crepe for desert. The others however were not so lucky – ordering off the set menu. The French waitress failed to understand the order so we had to order a second timebefore anything had started. Flash, Dave, and Tommo all ordered a sticky toffee pudding, it in fact arrived cold with no custard or apology, needless to say – tipping was minimal.

The evening came around and we played a little cash game on the kitchen table before heading to TJs for a drink or two. We got to sleep around four and prepared for a busy Tuesday.

With talk of going to the zoo or drayton manor the night before – waking up at 1 wasn’t a great start. Still, we at least went to the driving range for a brief afternoon session, featuring Tommo destroying a £5 chip with a rented driver. By the evening it was time to head to the Isle the new casino in Coventry.

The casino was spacious and done out in reasonable taste somehow. The waitresses were wearing provocative clothes, and there was no rake. Unfortunately nausea, swollen glands, and a headache took over after the tournament so sitting about drinking water was the order of the day. The tournament went pretty badly for me, only played 2 hands before the first break and was fairly cold decked (unlike Rupert “I has quads” Elder). After the break I shoved on 4 limpers with AKd for about 7k (blinds 200-400), utg called – oh no. Ahhh, he was slowplaying the QTd, he hit 2pr and I was down to 3300. An orbit later and in fact the first hand I had Jambon and Brad on the table utg minraised to 1200, I stuck it in for 2400 total with AT, utg had QJ. gg. I will let Dave, Flash and Tommo keep you in the loop for cash games although I think the gist is – Tommo runs good at blackjack, Dave gets one outed in 7-stud then makes it back in 4O.

Small mention for the steakhouse beforehand – Farradays (sic?). My steak was pretty average and overpriced considering it wasn’t cooked especially well. But everyone elses was nice by the sounds and it was a nice place so I’m sure to be back to give them another chance – I’m kind like that.

I have unfortunately come down with pandemic flu by the looks of things so stay away from me, doctors have said that if my immune system was the same as normal humans I would be dead by now.

I’m going to bed.

The Isle

Right, so we (me, Lauren, Tommo and Flash) decided to go to the new Isle Casino in Coventry for a tenner rebuy. Yum! Let me tell you about this place first. It is amazing, the nicest casino in England at the moment. Wow! There is a steakhouse in the casino, as well as a swanky sports bar and food court. Yum! So I sit down at my table, and who should I find on my right but Lauren, and who should I find on my left but Flash. Awesome! So the tournament kicks off, and I am playing my standard spewy rebuy game. Lauren is playing very well but gets unlucky several times (AA vs K9, 77 vs 55 and AK vs T8 amongst others). Flash builds up a stack nicely despite this one pot where on a board of K-9-5-K and Flash shoves. There is an insta-call from 2-2 in late position and clearly he has a read on Flash since our hero flips over T-6 offsuit. What a read by late position!!!

I bust pretty quickly (doh!) and sit in a dealer's choice cash game with Tommo, who by this time is causing havoc (asking for 5/10 limit and courcheval). He then compromises by choosing hi-lo omaha but this does not go down well. Tommo is told to "go to the Vegas table over there, this is Coventry", as some old guy pointed to an empty table in the corner. Tommo compromises once more by choosing 4-card omaha zzz.

Flash is getting along nicely in the tournament, and Lauren has left for Leam as she is working the next day. Nice! Flash ends up coming 9th in the tourny for 50 quid, and by this time I am feeling absolutely shattered, but we soldier on anyway until the casino shuts at 6 in the morning. One of the highlights of the night is where Tommo has Q-Q-x-x on a board of Q-5-5-K-7 and he sets someone (Morgan Freeman look-a-like) all-in for 29 quid who calls. Tommo flips over his full house and his opponent flicks through his hand for a good 15 seconds before showing 5-5 for quads. A slowroll even I would have been proud of myself. Tommo is incensed and storms out of the cardroom with the dealer saying "If that happened to me, I'd take a break too." As soon as Tommo re-enters the cardroom, he asks for a seat change and moves to the seat directly opposite Morgan and proceeds to stare him down for the next 10 minutes. The rest of the cash-game is pretty uneventful except for the choices of games (7-card stud, badugi, 4-,5- and 6-card Omaha and of course holdem).

On a side note, we felt pretty welcome at The Isle Coventry - the players were friendly and the atmosphere was very nice. Players of note: Old Chinese Guy talking about China National Service; Karl the dealer who always kept things in line (even when the rowdy Greeks came to the table); Zeb who told Tommo to go to the Vegas table. He also said how he preferred women with "larger features around the waist"...interesting. We ended up staying until 6am (casino closing time). The service was awesome (zero rake, zero table charges...how much better can you get?). We'll be going back on Tuesday to take down the 30quid Double Chance. 6k starting stack. YUM YUM!

Flower Power

So I've ended up at Lauren's, and today we did a spot of gardening with Dave and Tommo. Lauren's new pad has a balcony, which is covered with broken glass, syringes, soiled needles and used condoms, and so we decided to jazz it up a bit by visiting the local garden centre. Obviously Tommo felt like a kid in a candystore, and we ended up buying half the store. Here are the before and after shots of the balcony.

jd summer update

Hi everyone – I’ll be posting on this blog from now on, as well as Tommo and Flash and goodness knows who else in the future.

This summer has been a good one for me overall, being the slacker I am I’ve done very little productive. Term ended with a sombre drink down the jug with Tommo and Flash and then it was back up north.

The weather has been spectacularly bad this summer – even by Newcastle’s standards, we had perhaps 3 weeks of sun in total not to be whining. The earlier parts of the summer were spent playing football and dosing with the lads from back home. The monotony was first broken with my trip down to the big smoke…

Obviously I was flying down to Stanstead and naturally assumed my good friend Dave Lu would be picking me up en route from Stratford. Unfortunately, despite being bullet-proof the rover was powerless to resist the Spetsnaz’s concentrated efforts to ruin the trip by tampering with the gearbox. Shown is a picture of one training to take down the Lu.

Fear not readers – Flash was eager as ever to swoop into action until a puncture put a stop to that. So Stanstead express it was… having been delayed by an hour at Newcastle and bought Flash a present for picking me up I was still feeling chipper. With the promise of an awesome structured tourney coming up. Tommo, Dave, Jambon, and myself went to get some pre-tourny grub in a restaurant Flash recommended. Why on earth you would recommend a restaurant where everyone is Serbo/Italian and can’t talk English is beyond me but I soldiered on through my steak. I’m such a trooper.

Despite my best hopes Gutshot was a bit awful, really really hot and a particularly offensive brand of cockney inhabited it. Nevertheless I still drew Doshi to my left at the start so I had someone to talk to. Played one hand in the first 90 mins where I folded TT to Dru’s 4-bet (after some tard minraised in front of me), I showed and he kindly showed QQ. After that I was moved to in position on Grundy fairly short stacked after the first break. I picked up AJ in the big, some woman who seemed pretty loose from Dru’s observation raised it up and someone who is supposedly good flatted in position. I figured my raise would fold out all the pps he’s calling there and I can only really see AQ there that I’m worried about. I was confident I was ahead of wifey’s range so I shoved to be called by the woman’s AT and the other guy to fold. Thinner than I thought. The flop gave her a flush draw, the turn gave her a gutshot as well, and then somehow the river chopped it. I was a little annoyed to say the least. Next orbit I’m in the big again and Flash completes, I check AT. Flop K-high. I call to shove the turn because I always think he’s bluffing despite him showing the nuts every hand since term 1 year 1. Turn is A, he bets small I think and I shove, he has bullets obv. Now I was busto I could concentrate on some railing with Ed Roger for a bit and later Jambon. The highlight of which was Jambon being accosted by the TD for not being behind the rail. He was an awful TD and an awful person from what I gathered – Gutshot: Serious Business. Obviously the good players left dominated and Tommo told you what happened in his post.

Afterwards at about 5am in London Dave thought the best plan of action was to wave around a £3k roll for ten mins waiting to get mugged – I got a lift from Jambon. Without Dave.

The next day we played some tennis which was awesome fun, especially seeing as my David Lloyd card works in LDN, then headed to Dru’s balla pad for a homegame. Jamie and I were HU and I ran AJ into his KK and failed to improve.

Since then I have been grinding away but hardly playing any hands which may make it a contradiction in terms, but I am playing party 100NL at the moment and fewer tables than before for a much better win rate. I went to Venice last week with the family which was nice for a change. One week at home now until uni starts for my masters – I have to get there a week before everyone else and do 6 hours a day inc. weekends and an exam at the end. Beat. At least Dave, Chattie, Will, Jack, and some guys I know through Jujitsu will also be there so it should be ok.

In other news – I’m confident me and Flash will be sharing a bathroom in claycroft this year, here is an artists impression of the setup.

The paper riddle:

Rupert – 0.1^50 is just really really small. But the answer is in fact to the sun which is pretty cool - 0.1x2^50mm.

riddle me this, riddle me that

Seeing as Tommo let me in on his elite blog writing team I thought I'd open with a little riddle

even though this isn't a riddle at all I liked the title so you can go swivel.

If you have a piece of paper 0.1mm thick and fold it fifty times (remember IF, obviously you can't really, Lauren), how tall would the resulting stack be?

Post your answers in the comments section and don't use a calculator or write it in algebra like a dick - it's fun to guess.

I'll post the answer when I post a full update of the summer tomorrow or in a few days or never.

p.s. I like this photo of the owl so I'm posting it.

Welcome to my new blog! Overdue update

Hello to my multitude of fans, and welcome to my brand new blog! The bastards at the Warwick Graduate Association want to charge me 20 pounds a year, which is ridiculous, and so here is the result: my brand new blog. All my readers are in for such a treat, for I have so much to say. So much has happened in the last three months or so.

I think the first event was note was Final Fling. I was greatly looking forward to this, and it didn't disappoint. The weather was on the tempremental side, and wellington boots were the order of the day, but the damp conditions could not dampen our spirits. I managed to experience most of the theme park rides without puking, though I do admit to a slight queasiness when stumbling off The Trembling TeaCups, a ride not for the faint hearted. One incident of note which I found quite amusing was seeing a fellow reveller hurl her guts up uncontrollably for at least 10 minutes. She was finally helped out by someone as me and JD watched in amusement.

The end of term was a much more emotional occasion, as we witnessed the end of the Lucky 77 household. Walking around the empty house, which was by now a mere shell of its former glorious existence, was a sombre and distressing experience. It gave me time to reflect on the gay times I had had at the mansion. The fun, the frolics, the frivolities. I remember one time early in the third term, whilst playing poker at 4 in the morning, hearing a noise outside the window. Upon turning my head, I saw a scraggily and unkempt youth who quickly asked me 'Got a joint mate'. Ah, the memories. Here is a picture of the rubbish outside the house after the kitchen had been emptied; I'm sure you'll agree this sea of waste even rivals the rubbish created by the home ground at Coventry City home game (see photo at the top).

The first few weeks of my Summer were taken up milking the cows, collecting the eggs and trimming the neighbours' overgrown crysanthenums. I also found myself in the pub most evenings, and early most mornings come to that. On the poker front, I invested in a new set-up, including a nice new monitor, new computer, new optical mouse and 10GW computer cooling system. With all of this assembled, I was ready to play!

Late August, I travelled to Torquay to play in the Golden Sands Festival. It would be a good chance to catch up with Rick, Scott and Parsy. There were a few events, but the one I had my eye on was the 50 rebuy. I built up a huge stack in this, and made it to the final table confident of a victory (3k) as second in chips, but still with only 12BB. Then this hand came up: the chip leader at the table raises, I shove with A4o, and he calls with AT. gg me. Slightly saddened with this development, I decided to sit in the 1/2 PL cash game, and who else should be at the table but Charalambos Xanthos. He obviously fancied himself a bit, as he was bossing the table. It was then that we played the following pot. I make it 8 to go with KsQs, and he makes it 25 from the SB. So I then make it 70, and he flatcalls. Flop comes down 9xx with two spades, and he checks. I bet 120 and he check-raises all in for 300. I'm getting about 3-1 on the call, and so call. The turn and river come T, T, and he taps the table saying 'you're good'. I wait for him to muck, but he declines, and he shows AsJs for Ace high for a 700 pound pot. Nice.

About a week later, I make the trip to London for the annual GSOP extravaganza. There were 7 of us from Warwick in the 100 freezeout, and these were: Davey Lu, Myself, Jambon, Flash, JD, Gary Fernandes and Dhruv 'The Kid' Doshi. Expectations were running high. I found myself on a starting table with Gutshot's very own loud-mouthed, super-egoed Ade Bayo. A few hands in, we play the following pot (the blinds are 25/50, stacks are 4k). Ade makes it 400 to go, and I find JJ in late position and pop it up to 1500. Ade flat calls. The flop comes down Axx, and we check it down to the river, when he flips over his TT, and I rake the pot. He then starts mouthing off at me, so I ask him if he was playing his tens for set value, and remind him that he just called off almost half of his stack in the first level. He soon shuts his mouth.

As an aside, Ade Bayo is the loudest, rudest most arrogant 'player' I have ever had the misfortune of playing against. He is a disgrace of a human being, and one of the worst players at Gutshot (which isn't saying much). He has a complete lack of understanding of the most basic fundamentals of the game, and he covers his incompetence by screaming the room down. I understand that the only reason his behaviour is accepted is because he tips so generously. Its nice to see that money can buy someone a pass to perform like a monkey. His dress sense reminds me of a flower-bed, covered in compost, and urinated on by 4 drunks returning home after a piss-up. I only say this because he had a go at my 'lol donkaments T-shirt'. In fact, whilst his chat is irritating, he seems like an affable enough chap.

Anyway, back to the tourney. I'm nickling and diming, dodging and weaving, playing out of my skin. Then I come across a character called Shane at my table. I know I just ripped it into Ade, but my God. I thought I had stumbled into a zoo full of screaming schoolkids. The noise this guy makes is just unbelievable. Anyway, I slowplay my aces against his 96 to double up, and then try and shut out the din as the tournament continues. Suddenly we are down to the last 2 tables, and still in, apart from myself, is Dave Lu, The Dosh, Flash and Gary. A truly great achievement by the Warwick lads. At the break, we strike a few deals (mostly just for rooting purposes/good karma) and then go back to the tables. I am raising lots of pots and taking lotsof blinds, encountering little resistance. In fact, after the tournament, one of the dealers told me that he was counting how many chips I was accumulating.

On the other table, Flash has just moved in and I hear Shane shout out 'I've caught Flash with his pants down'. With ten players to go (one before the final table), someone suggests taking some money off first for tenth. Obviously, I refuse, and before long we are on final. Gary is the first player to drop, and Shane doubles up. He then decided to go on a verbal rampage, swearing and abusing the players at the table. When he tells me that he's going to bust me, I came out with the line 'your ego is writing cheques your ability can't cash'. I call over the TD soon after to complain about the disgraceful hectering from Shane, but he was inept and ambivalent. To be honest, I expected nothing more. Later on, I got another ruling when he tried to encourage Lu to collude, but once again, my best intentions were quickly rebuffed by the TD (who, funnily enough, Flash and I saw pouring money into a slot machine at the Empire Casino a couple of weeks later; enough said). I inevitably bust Shane from the tourny soon after, my AK > JJ, and then he reshoved me with QT against with AQ with no fold equity. There were 4 of us left at this point: me, Lu (who had been marshalling his big stack with aplomb), Dru (who was playing solid as ever) and a random called Mike Marquez (who I had pegged as a good player). Dru ended up coming 4th, and the three of us then chopped it for 2.5k each. After being advised 'not to forget the dealers' by the TD, I could not forget the shambolic way I had been treated, and so left them 20 quid for the privilege of playing poker in a sauna. Thanks to JD for fetching me cups of tea throughout, and Jambon for keeping me amused whilst standing behind, encouraging me to continue with the rape and pillage.

The day after, myself, JD, Jambon, Dave and Flash played some tennis, and then had a meal. Whilst ordering this, I decided to celebrate yesterday's result by ordering a bottle of Champagne. However, the lady behind the counter obviously believed that due to our physical prowess, Lucozade was more appropriate, and thought that I was joking when I asked for a bottle of bubbly. Despite disapproving looks from the queue behind, I eventually convinced her that I was for real (I think the roll of nifties in my hand may have had something to do with this).

I returned the day later for a cricket match back in Devon. I thought this would be a nice, relaxing experience, but once again things came to a head. After rebuffing a little sledging (whilst batting) things got heated between myself and an opposition fielder, who referred to me as a 'fat twat'. I retorted 'Calm down, old boy. You'd better watch your blood pressure or you'll end up having a heart attack', and then he came right up to me, put his face in mine, and said 'I'll see you afterwards'. Needless to say, being the diplomat that I am, things were smoothed over and no bones broken.

A couple of weeks later I travelled up to London to see Flash, and visit The Empire Casino where the WSOPe was taking place. It was good fun to see the big names in the flesh (rather more of it than you may imagine in the case of a certain young female online pro's posterior - clearly mkind is a believer in the philosophy that girls' fat behind make the world go round, and also in the case of a certain young American online superstar, who may or may not have finished second in the Aussie Millions), and we even asked Gus if he fancied taking myself and Flash on, with Patrick, at a game of tennis. Once again, our physically impressive appearances resulted in intimidation, and Gus politely declined, adding that he would be happy to play us at a Backgammon Pairs with Patrick, but he was running low on cash.

Its hard to discuss my emotions on my blog (especially in keeping with the tradition of the stiff British Upper Lip), but I thought I would write this last paragraph anyway as I weep into my keyboard. The day after seeing the pros in action, Flash and I decided to play some online poker. It was the first event of the WCOOP, and expectations were certainly running high. However, whilst most of the night is a blur, I stumbled into bed bewildered, bedraggled and bemoaning my poker misfortunes having been put through the ringer. The poker was very intense, with a lot of tough spots, and I found myself having to fold sets and overpairs, misclicking myself out of 30BB in one tournament, and shoving with 35o and seeing it fail to hold up in another tournament. It was a night to forget. When Flash's Dad asked how the poker had gone the morning after, I was far from the jocular young man I had met on the previous occasion, and as I wiped a tear from my eye, I vomited in the cats litter tray.

I am currently in Leamington visiting Dave and Lauren, and we are going to plant a garden on their balcony tomorrow. At least the view will be slightly better when Lauren looks out of the window in the future. We can currently see The Polish Centre from the window; at least we know where to go if our shoes need a buffering.